And... I'm back.

I was just about to write this enlightening post about making my life lighter and accepting myself for who I am.

But

As I sit in this dark room only lit by candles and listen to this amazing french music that I randomly purchased sometime in the past...

 I just want to write how I'm feeling right now. 

Warm, happy, centered, calm and cozy. 

I'm sitting here thinking about how short life is, and how I don't want to miss out on things.

I want to at least give living in California a shot. Maybe I'll hate it. Maybe I'll love it...but I won't know if I don't try. 

Then there is the thoughts in the back of my head that hold me back. Like ...what about Lily? Will she be ok with me on the other side of the country? What about my amazing Nieces and Nephews who I love so very much. How much of them growing up will I miss? Will it be worth it? I guess I won't know until I get there huh? 

Don't get me wrong...the thought of picking up my life and moving it to the other side of the country terrifies me....but it also excites me. At first I wondered if I was running away from my life here...but I can safely say that is not it. I just want to live. I want to wake up where the ocean is, experience different people and a different way of life. 

I was listening to someone I really respect the other day, and he said...just do Something. 

This is going to be my something.

There are no Failures only Experiences.

Summer Lovin

The Stars Spin inside my head at night.

The fireflys kiss my eye lids 

The smell of a campfire calms my soul

and the sound of the crackling fire lulls me to sleep

So Happy it's Summer

Random thoughts in the dark

Wrote this while waiting for a concert to start.

The road may be bumpy, but it will be good.

I had a bit of a set-back yesterday, but I’m rather proud of myself for how I dealt with it.

I have a goal. I am determined, and nothing is going to stop me at this point.

When I’m drinking a margarita watching the sunset, I will remember yesterday and realize it was just a small bump in the road.  I am on the hunt for a part time second job, because Money is not going to defeat me.

Damien Rice – I Don’t Want To Change You [Official Video]

Once upon a dream...

I had a dream last night, and I can't stop thinking about it. Someone very important to me came back into my life. I would be lying if I said I never think of him. I think of him every single day, and every single day I wish that I didn't. I'm not sure if the love that I feel for him will ever leave me. Sadly, I hope that it does. I tend to forget my dreams when I wake up, but this one stuck with me. I miss him terribly.

Melancholy and the Infinite Sadness.

So many new things going on right now. So many changes.

But today...

I'm feeling so very sad, and I don't know why.

I'm having my very own pity party.

Complete with Balloons and Streamers

and even a clown or two.

I know it's not healthy.

I know it's not OK.

I 

just 

can't 

shake it 

today.