Writing more often...

  I'm making writing on here a goal. I want to write more. It not only helps me get what I have in my mind out of my mind, but it's nice to look back at my thoughts and think either..."yeah I see what you were thinking girl" or " What the Hell? Glad we moved on from that." .

  So to start I'm going to talk about friends.
I had lots of friends...or so I thought.
I had people in my life that I shared everything with. I shared my goals, my daily life. My ups and downs.
I loved these people with all my heart, because as we know I only go all in. There is no half way in my world.
I grew up with these people. I spent 18 and a half years with them. Not all of them the same amount of time, but a good amount of time.
and then
I got fired from my job...

  I heard not a peep from them after that.
That was eight months ago.

I just realized they weren't ever really my friends, at least not the way I thought they were.

Now I'm not saying I didn't gain friends from that Job.  I did.

   I have Shelly who is an inspiration to me.
I have never met her in person, but she has become someone I wouldn't want to live my life without.

I have Jen Holbrook - Kohn, who tells it like it is. We are pretty much complete opposites, but I love her.
She is an amazing person with a huge heart. She has been through things in her life, but never let them hold her down...I admire that.

I have Miss Monica Sholar, who is the best cheerleader anyone could ask for.

but the people I spent day in and day out with... who I thought loved me as I loved them. didn't.

That is a hard pill to swallow, but I'm there now and it's ok. I'm ok.

I'm working on me, and using experiences in my life to make me a better me.

All of that has made me want to work on the connections I have with the people I do have in my life.

People should know that they are important to you. You don't have to tell them that all the time...but you can show them, by showing up and being in their lives NO MATTER WHAT.  The good times. The bad times, and the Holy hell I guess we are doing this times.

I want to be someone can depend on to be there. Not just say I'll be there.

Please, don't think I have any bitterness or hate in my heart for those that aren't in my life any longer.
I don't. I still care for them the same as I did. I want amazing things for them. I want them to live the best life they can.

Nor, do I think they aren't in my life anymore because they don't like me. I don't believe that either.
I just think they weren't strong connections. Not like the connections I want to make sure I make moving forward.


Much love,
Dana

Sometimes we just need a moment

It is semi quiet in the room where I'm sitting.

The hushed whir of the space heater that is sitting across the room.

The sound of the cars as they drive past my home on the wet street.

and 

The pitter patter of raindrops that are falling on the windows.

Lightening can be seen every so often, with no rhyme or reason

(at least not that I can ascertain)

I'm calm 

and confident.

A place I haven't been in quite some time.

There is a warm feeling inside me

I am OK

This Can't Be It

As I sit here..16 days away from Christmas

I can not seem to get any 

Christmas Spirit

I have seemed to gather a little over the last 

probably Five years. 

But true Christmas Spirit has left me

and 

This Year 

I Desperately need it.

I have done all the things that I can think of to make it happen.

Christmas Shopping

Watching Christmas Movies

Listening to Christmas Music

Drinking Christmas Drinks

Going to see Christmas Lights

Nothing has worked. 

I have so much worry inside that I can't see past it.

It consumes me no matter how hard I try to get past it.

Something has to change. 

I can't be on this earth to just barely survive.

This can't be it.

I know there is a greater good that i'm here for

I just can't seem to find it.

The big 40

i was fine
Then I was alone

Election 2016

I woke up this morning with a new President Elect.

Someone I did not choose 

BUT... I woke up.

The sun was shining.

My daughter is healthy

I have two adorable puppies who are healthy

I am surrounded by friends and family who love me.

and by love me I mean LOVE me. 

I know people are angry and scared.

I admit ...I felt scared.

Then I realized my world is still moving.

My life is still going

and now more than ever

I need to do my part to show 

love and compassion 

I need to be kind and considerate

I want to be there for people

When they are going through 

tough times

I want to make people smile

even if it is just for a moment

So, Whether you voted for Hillary or Trump

I'm here for you

I'm here if you are scared

I'm here if you are sad

I'm here if you are happy

and 

I'm here if you just want a hug

Be Love and it will all be ok

Sometimes Shit gets a little bit heavy.

And... I'm back.

I was just about to write this enlightening post about making my life lighter and accepting myself for who I am.

But

As I sit in this dark room only lit by candles and listen to this amazing french music that I randomly purchased sometime in the past...

 I just want to write how I'm feeling right now. 

Warm, happy, centered, calm and cozy. 

I'm sitting here thinking about how short life is, and how I don't want to miss out on things.

I want to at least give living in California a shot. Maybe I'll hate it. Maybe I'll love it...but I won't know if I don't try. 

Then there is the thoughts in the back of my head that hold me back. Like ...what about Lily? Will she be ok with me on the other side of the country? What about my amazing Nieces and Nephews who I love so very much. How much of them growing up will I miss? Will it be worth it? I guess I won't know until I get there huh? 

Don't get me wrong...the thought of picking up my life and moving it to the other side of the country terrifies me....but it also excites me. At first I wondered if I was running away from my life here...but I can safely say that is not it. I just want to live. I want to wake up where the ocean is, experience different people and a different way of life. 

I was listening to someone I really respect the other day, and he said...just do Something. 

This is going to be my something.

There are no Failures only Experiences.