So, I’m feeling down today. Like I have failed in life and
no one can tell me different.
Here is the story ….
The story of a girl
who can’t figure life out. I have finally given in. My husband and I were never
really solid. I think we were thrown together in order to bring our beautiful
daughter into this world.
Beyond that I have no Idea why the universe put us together.
Two months ago, I put the final nail in the coffin and ended us. For Good.
You would think this
would be easy. We never get along. We have both done horrible things to each
other… But it was Hard. Really
Hard. I fell out of love a long time ago…but
I do care about him, and we have a Daughter together.
Then there is the
story of how I ruined a friendship. I seriously act a fool sometimes. I think
that it was
A timing thing. All of this was going on and I was super
emotional. I did some things that I’m not really proud of in hind sight. I pushed
him away, and he just isn’t coming back. There isn’t a day that goes by that I
don’t think about him. He was my silly silly friend who Always made me smile.
This is where I need to let him go. I have to move on
without him. It kills me to have to say that… but I can’t keep reaching something that just isn’t there. He always said to me “ never say never”. But
I think it’s time.
Nothing really lasts
forever. It’s all smoke and Mirrors. Fairy tales and nonsense. I grew up
watching Romantic Comedies. The Love always wins. I really thought that was true. I now know
that just isn’t so.
The boy doesn’t always get the girl. The Happy Ending is
just a dream.
I’m a mess. No one
should have to deal with the pieces that are left of me. I just wouldn’t do
that to anyone. I don’t trust anymore. I am sad. I don’t believe in Love. I don’t believe in much.
I put on a brave
face every day. I go out into the world living a lie. I pretend I’m fine. That
all is well.
That I am FINE. I’m not.
As Much as I don’t
believe in Love or all that comes with
it…I long for it. I want my lobster. I want to look forward to seeing someone
at the end of the day. I want the butterflies, and the awkward kisses.
I want someone to cuddle on cold nights and to walk with on
warm nights. Someone who gets me. The
maze that is me. I want it. But the reality has set in… I know deep inside it
is just a Dream. The reality is that it isn’t going to happen.
The only thing I
know for sure is that I will be OK at some point. I will move on, and I will be
OK.
I will wake up tomorrow. The Sun will be there and the moon
will be with me at night. The world will keep spinning. My heart will heal, but the scars will still
be there. The hurt will be less. The pain will be dull. I will smile again. I
will breathe without hesitation. I will be OK.
I just wish I could fast forward to that part of my life. I don’t want
to wish my life away….just this part.
Thanks for listening
to my rant.
Hugs,
Dana
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