and then we were " just friends."

  I have a friend, whom has been in my life for over 20 years.  He started as my friend, then was my boyfriend.
Then My ex-boyfriend/man I couldn't get off of my mind. Then he was my friend again. I love him so very much. We can talk about anything. We like alot of the same things, have the same interests. He is important to me. The only thing is, he is in love with me. Now, he wasn't when all I could do was think about him, but when we reconnected after a hiatus...there it was. The Pink Elephant in the room. It comes with us everywhere. It is spoken, but we both know it's there.

  I bring this up, because I recently got back in touch with a friend of mine, whom I had a huge crush on.
In true Dana style, I round about let him know that I was interested and he shot me down. Oh yes ladies...I got friend zoned HARD. I am ok with it. I went through the stages of...maybe he'll change his mind(um No).
Then the ..."what is wrong with me?"  (um nothing). Then the "oh girl he is going to regret that decision one day. "  (um probably)  Now I've moved on to...I love that I have a semi-new friend.  I can honestly say I'm good with us being friends. I just keep wondering if he feels the same way I do when it comes to my old friend/Ex.

  Frankly I feel selfish. I love his company so much I can't just walk away, but then I feel like I also have to worry about hurting him, and I don't want that. I have been hurt so many times ( and yes many times by him) that I just don't want anyone to feel that way. I've been up front. He knows how I feel but I still have this little voice in the back of my head that tip toes as not to hurt him.

  Right now, I'm hoping... recent crush  doesn't feel this this way about me when I chat with him.  I genuinely just want to be his friend. Someone who is there through the thick and thin. I'm trying to figure out how to make him realize that...my best guess right now is time. By doing what I say and showing up when I'm needed.

  Damn, why is life so tricky sometimes? I just want Black and White, but I know there are way too shades of gray for that to happen.