Crazy little thing called love...

When I woke up this morning...

I had a right that friends of mine didn't.

I have the right to get married.

My love isn't any stronger.

My devotion isn't larger

My commitment isn't any deeper

YET

Because I am attracted to men

and 

not 

Women

I have a right my friends don't.

It baffles me to think 

someone could 

be against 

LOVE

in 

the highest form.

My Mother and Father 

have raised me to believe

that love is love.

If you find someone you 

TRULY 

love

It doesn't matter what 

color, nationality or gender they are.

They taught me that Love 

True Love

is special. 

If you find it 

hold on tight.

I can't begin to fathom 

why someone would be 

against same sex marriage.

Why someone would think that it isn't ok

for two people in love 

to be able

to commit themselves 

to each other 

 before their friends and family.

Why those two committed individuals

should not have all the rights 

that marriage brings.

With so much HATE in the world

How can you be against LOVE?

I am committed to supporting 

Same Sex Marriage.

I am committed to supporting 

my 

LGBT

Friends

I am an ALLY

Forever

and 

Ever

AMEN

Ahhh....the frustration.

How long must you wait for it??

10 Reasons Texting Sucks...

1. It's impersonal. 
2. You can't hear the inflection of someones voice. Making easier to mis interpret your message.
3. Auto correct can completely ruin what you intended to say.
4. Anyone can share a personal message with whomever they want. It isn't private.
5. It's way  too easy to hide behind a text.
6. It takes too long to have a conversation. Something that I could get out in a couple of minute, sometimes takes hours of going back and forth waiting for each other to respond.
7. It is making us anti social.
8. Because one word answers aren't ok.
9. Never getting an answer is Awkward
10. I constantly appear to be over analyzing things, when in fact if I just spoke my texts there really wouldn't be much too say.

Hurts so good...

Who knew...

I love sore muscles.

I love when I work out...

and I'm sore.

It's probably not good.

but it makes me feel like I 

accomplished 

something. 

Ever searching...Ever Learning.

I have so many things that I could write about tonight.

From the secrets and scandals that are made from 

Nothing.

To the Great and Powerful Oz like situations 

that are within.

But it's the excuse of distance that got me the most today.

No distance or time will come between two people who

genuinely want to see each other.

it is a facade.

an excuse 

we use .

I'm over excuses and nonsense.

I want what i want. 

That is that.

No nonsense

I'm not sure if it's fear.

I'm not sure if it's pure laziness.

but it won't be on my part anymore.

I'm embracing

enjoying  

life.

so get on the Dana train...

or don't.

but I'm only going to be around 

for a 

limited time.

Don't miss this opportunity

Cool like Dat....(yes I am)

And the Survey Says...

Ok

Not really...

but my labs 

are back

Drum Roll Please

I'm getting better!

YAY!

My Cholesterol

is back to normal

and My TSH 

Is down to 3.7

So they are upping my pills

and all will be well

in the Kingdom

once again.

SMILE

I know I'm lame as Hell but...

I am super excited 

about this....

I'm plugging in today when I get back from 

My Doctors appointment....

and listening all day!!

Oh JT how you make me Swoon!

PS 

I'll update you on the appointment later gator.

It's just another Manic Monday...

Today is a 

Hunker down

with my headphones on

Kind 

of day 

at work.

FO SHO!

A Small Snippet of Evening in Red. (the quality is crap)

The wisdom I found at the end of a Green Beer...

Life has changed so much in the last Six months.

and

it continues to change.

Every Day

Something New

Sometimes Good

Sometimes...Not so Good.

I finished up my last green beer last night.

Bid Adieu 

to my brother

and came home

I realized on the way home

how much I have changed.

Now I'm the same inside of course.

My Values are the Same...

BUT

I didn't get rattled at all yesterday.

No giving myself unneeded stress.

No panicking.

No over analyzing.

I just enjoyed the moment.

I marinaded in it

I let it be

and all was good.

This is my Step Mom...

My first green beer...

I am the rule...

Not the exception.

I can totally be my own hero...

My Christmas Wish...

It took awhile

But 

it finally came true.

Out of the blue

Out of nowhere

and now

I'm so scared that he will 

disappear again.

I can't just be me

Which is the one reason

I loved having him 

as my 

friend 

sigh

Bench

Dear Bench,

Why is it every time

I see an adorable

sweater or sweatshirt

on 

Pinterest 

by your 

Company.

It no longer

exists

????

So Frustrating!

Maybe it isn't real Sunshine...but it will do for now.

Sometimes when you least expect it.

Amazing things happen.

Perfect...

Happy...

Amazing things.

Serendipitous

 

If you steal my sunshine ~ Len

Good Morning Sunshine...

The sun is out!

I have needed the sun on my face for weeks.

I'm putting yesterday...

Hell,

I'm putting all last week in a box and putting it away.

I am moving forward.

I gave myself last night to be upset

and now it's back to normal.

It will all work out as it should.

2.13.61

It's sad when someone you know becomes someone you knew.
Henry Rollins 

My secret...

If I didn't have this blog.

I would probably 

burst at

the seams.

This blog is the only place 

I can be real.

The only place I can be me.

My only outlet.

You wouldn't know that in one short week...

I have lost almost everything that I had.

I am so overwhelmed right now...

I can barely breathe sometimes

I can barely stand. 

and as I lie here in bed, in the dark.

Tears streaming down my face.

I am at a loss.

I don't have a team.

I don't have anyone to talk to 

about any of the things that have been going on.

and holy shit have there been things that I just need to get out.

There is rock bottom.

and then there is

here.

Wherever it is that I am.

But no one would know it...

because 

I keep up a good facade.

I hide behind a smile and kindness

I don't know what I believe in anymore.

But just for tonight I hope that there is something higher out there to believe in.

I hope that there is someone looking out for me.

because I need some relief.

Do bad things really happen in three's?

Or is it more than that?

I'm not focusing on any of it.

I'm keeping positive. 

I let each thing roll off my back like the cutest little ducky ever.

But 

I just can't get a break right now. 

It's so Frustrating.

I'll just keep smiling. 

and moving forward.

keep it movin chicky poo.

I've got mountains ahead to climb

60 minutes...

Not now...

but soon.

I am going to give myself an hour,

Just an hour to be sad.

to ... let go and be emotional .

I don't have time for it right now.

I'm far too busy. 

I have a job, and a daughter, and a dog.

I am responsible for a numerous amount of things.

So...

Not now...

but Soon.

Goodbye Sweet Berries...

From today on.
I clearly have to give up berries.

Not for good.

But until the craving subsides.

I am an addict. 

The berries are my diet nemesis.

So...

No sweets.

AND

I Only get small amount of berries or a banana 

on 

workout days.

sigh.

future self will thank me.

Jimmy Fallon & Justin Timberlake History of Rap

Zee Avi - Concrete Wall

You will never know, until it is you.

I can remember being young and thinking...

If a man laid his hands on me, I would leave.

I can remember thinking...

Who would let someone do that to them.

Then it happens, and you are so shocked you don't know what to do.

It won't happen again.

All will be well.

And for awhile...

it is.

but soon enough

it begins again. 

what you fail to realize in that moment

is that

it is a vicious cycle.

I was too scared to leave.

I was scared because I didn't know what would happen

I was scared that financially...

I couldn't do it.

Then one day I got brave.

In one moment I decided I was done.

It was OVER.

I left.

It wasn't over.

Time made me forget 

and soon enough I let him back in.

He was all I knew.

And for a moment it was good.

But the cycle started again.

And one late night

the unthinkable was done.

beyond anything that had been done before.

It was cold 

I was outside in the snow in my pajamas with no shoes

I was scared.

but 

I went back

In my head...

I thought I had no choice.

I believed there was no other way.

I will sometimes talk about the event 

as though it was the same thing as

washing your car, or going grocery shopping.

Like what happened was

no big deal.

Because I am no longer the innocent girl

who thought  I would just leave.

Who didn't understand how someone could let someone do that.

I live in fear.

It is my home.

I don't sleep 

not well that is.

I never know what will happen if I let myself fall asleep to deeply.

I have asked him to leave.

I have begged him to go.

He won't.

I am too weak to force him.

I am too scared.

The unknown holds me at bay.

Frozen 

So

Please 

don't judge that girl on TV

not until you hear her story.

Until it is you.

You will never fully understand.