My secret...

If I didn't have this blog.

I would probably 

burst at

the seams.

This blog is the only place 

I can be real.

The only place I can be me.

My only outlet.

You wouldn't know that in one short week...

I have lost almost everything that I had.

I am so overwhelmed right now...

I can barely breathe sometimes

I can barely stand. 

and as I lie here in bed, in the dark.

Tears streaming down my face.

I am at a loss.

I don't have a team.

I don't have anyone to talk to 

about any of the things that have been going on.

and holy shit have there been things that I just need to get out.

There is rock bottom.

and then there is

here.

Wherever it is that I am.

But no one would know it...

because 

I keep up a good facade.

I hide behind a smile and kindness

I don't know what I believe in anymore.

But just for tonight I hope that there is something higher out there to believe in.

I hope that there is someone looking out for me.

because I need some relief.